In a Bizarre Event...

Apr 22, 2009

CHANNEL 9 BROADCAST/ANCHOR FRED RAUS/4-21-09/9pm EST
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In a bizarre event, Channel seven Anchor Don Riley attempted suicide on live television while conducting an interview with Patrick Dempsey, a suicide cult expert. I, personally watched this interview while it happened. Be warned, this content may be disturbing:

TAPE No. 31684512
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"I'm saying that nothing can explain this. I mean, unless you start considering other, more creative or outrageous possibilities, such as mind control or things like that. I don't know. Nothing explains this or the other events that've been occurring recently."

"It's....you're right. This...this isn't making. No.....I don't. I...I can't...it's. AHHHGGHHHHH!!!!"

*white noise and broken glass*
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END TAPE
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It was then that witnesses claim he began slurring his speech and not making much sense. He allegedly proceeded to...to ram his head into the teleprompter screen. The studio cut the feed immediately, and witnesses inside of the channel seven studio claim that Mr. Riley kept smashing his head in and out of the broken glass of the...um, excuse me, sorry I'm a bit choked up. *clears throat* Alright, can I, can I get some w-yes, thank you. Alright everyone, I apologize, but we're going to have to take a short break.
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END BROADCAST

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